Top Six Tips for Preparing your Child for a New Brother or Sister

Written by: Jessica Diamond, MPH, RDN

Having a new baby brings about a lot of unknowns, but having a second child (or any subsequent children) has its own set of unknowns: not only do you have to focus on your newborn, but you also need to consider how an older child emotionally handles a new sibling coming into their life. With this in mind, we are sharing six tips that will ensure a smooth and emotionally sound transition when bringing a new baby home to their sibling.

1. Preparation, preparation, preparation: We say this a lot because preparation is key in almost every parenting endeavor, but it is especially crucial when your child is about to become a sibling. The good thing is that you have nine months to prepare them!  It’s pretty easy to get your child excited about becoming a big brother or sister, but the real work starts when they begin to show what we consider to be more “negative” emotions. They might say outright that they don’t want a little brother or sister, or they may show some regressive behaviors as your belly starts to grow.

In addition to acting out, maybe your child is nudging your belly away from them, wanting to be held all the time, or never wanting to be held when your belly gets in the way.  This is all completely normal and presents an amazing opportunity for you to help them process the feelings that come along with being a big sibling. Without a doubt, your child wants to be the best big sibling ever, but they also want to know that you will still have enough love for them once their sibling arrives. 

So, as much as we want to meet those negative emotions with something like, “Come on, you’re going to love your little sister or brother!”, it’s actually better to confront the feelings they are having head on. When your child is expressing a negative emotion about a new sibling, say something like, “You must be scared to have a new sibling and worried I’m not going to have enough love for you.  I promise, I will always have enough love for you.” Addressing these feelings without dismissing them will make your child feel loved and understood and will help them process any feelings that come up once they realize they don’t have you all to themselves anymore.

One way to prepare your toddler or child for the new baby, especially if they are starting to show signs of regressive behavior, is to engage them in some imaginative play. Say something like, “Oh, I see you’re pretending to be a baby. Can I change your diaper?” As best you can, try not to say that big kids don’t wear diapers, and instead lean into the opportunity to play with them. Play is very therapeutic, and pretending they are a baby helps them explore, better understand, and gain control over their feelings around this major life adjustment. It also means they will get more nurturing from you, which will help them process their feelings about the new sibling in the moment and keep their love tank full.

2. Buy a gift from the baby to your older child and vice versa: Gifts make your child feel special and important and help them realize that the new baby loves them right off the bat. It’s also helpful to purchase your child a baby doll and any fun baby accessories so they can practice their big brother or big sister skills before the baby comes. You may notice that they get really into caring for the baby doll, which is great because this how they learn to interact with their sibling. It’s also helpful to teach them how to gently “shush” the baby doll since this can be their special job once the baby comes.

3. Bring pictures of your older child to the hospital and tape them inside the newborn’s bassinet: This way, when your child comes to meet the baby, you can explain that you have been telling the baby all about their sibling and showing them pictures. This will make the sibling feel special and bonded to their growing family.

4.  Be ready for a bear hug: When you arrive home with the newborn, make sure you (or the primary caregiver) are not holding the newborn so that your hands are free to give your other child a big hug. It may sound silly, but not having your hands free when you get home can make them worried that you won’t be able to meet their emotional needs. 

5. Have the older sibling help out: Encourage your child to help you when you are preparing for birth and afterward. Have them help you put out diapers and set up the nursery. Once your newborn arrives, have them help you no matter how small the task may seem or how long it may take. Engaging them in the process helps them feel useful and empowered as a big brother or sister. 

6. Build in bonding time: Every day, set aside at least 10-15 minutes of one-on-one time with your older child. Make sure this time is uninterrupted, without your phone, work, or other family members around. Give this time a special name so your child learns to expect it. (We call it Meaning Full Time, so something like “Mama Bryce Meaning Full Time” and “Dada Bryce Meaning Full Time.”)  During this time, physically get on their level and let them choose the activity. Let them be in control and dictate how you play. This will fill up their love tank and show them that they are still special to you. This is a great intervention even when there are no other siblings involved: studies show that 20 minutes of play with you will decrease acting out and unwanted behaviors. 

For more ideas, make sure to listen to our podcast episode, Siblings: Dynamics, Rivalry, and Preparing for a New Sibling with Alison LaTona, an MFT and sibling expert. We also love the book  I’m a Big Sister and I’m a Big Brother for introducing a new baby into the family.